What Am I Doing

What have I done? How much have I done?

So little may be, or nothing at all. Oh no!!! I have my first attampt and wasnt successful. What have I been doing the pass few months... I am thinking so hard trying to assess what I have done. Eating, sleeping, talking, walking, waking, simple daily chores but is that why I am here....I dont know. Who am I going to ask for help to put me back to the right track... ........

I have been fighting... fighting so hard that no blood is shed... Whats is this? Is this somekind of joke.. no it is not.... yes I have been fight but not physically involved, like throwing or hiting or arguing, its just been my mind. I ask God why have you created me? I dont want to go through this life that I am right now in... Yes I tell my self about the mercy of God and what God wants me to do... I feel like I am in the right track..... being with the poor and serving them... but whos taking care of my problems... Yes I have this huge problem.... a problem that I feel like so huge that it chocks me in..... I am trying harder... and praying harder asking God for wisdom... but in the mist of bombading my problems to God, it seems like God is not there or rather I am far away from God. Whats happening to me.. does that mean I am in sin... that God is not talking to me because of some hinden sin.....maybe, I dont know!!!!!

So I come back to myself again, where am I really???? What am I really doing????

Blessing in Disguised

I am so thankful that God brought me into this world 28 years ago. I am so blessed with such wonderful friends that God had provided in my life. Being in Bangladesh is a blessing in disguised. Each day of my fours months being here is such a heart ach. Every day in the bus or travelling in a train or just walking few block down my apartment, I see pain, a pain that comes with compassion because I see kids with no arms, no legs, mothers with half off their bodies melted away, young men without arms, legs begging. Sometimes its overwhelming that I just want to close my eyes and ears completely and walk away, sometimes I pray for God to interven in this suituation. However, I am so thankful that I am among this group and I am so blessed to be with them.

Visiting families

My past few days have been visiting families who have no land at all. They work for rich farmers who owned big acres of land. This particular group of families are special because after the seasons of harvest they have no work so they basically go hungry. What MCC did/doing is provided/providing livestock as well napier grass to them. Not just anyone but the selected families through a survey conducted two years ago. Its is such a blessing to see their happy faces as we entered their Basa (house/home). They are very much eager to provide you with anything and its sad because they are providing their best and I can not say no for that. We walked through villages to villages families to families for three days visit and have seen some amazing things they've done. They have done their best to take care of big animals like a heifer or a bull or goats of three or four. they have tried their best to try grow the grasses where ever pieces of land they can find. There was one family that I felt sad becaues their boss can not let them use unused land or even the side walks to grow the grass, but still their heifer is suriving but struggling. I am so thankful for everything that I have seen and involved with, its a great honor to be part of this group of families.